Darkest Sin by Saman J

Author:Saman, J. [Saman, J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Romance, Suspense
Amazon: B083Z2HZRX
Goodreads: 51485690
Published: 2020-07-23T07:00:00+00:00

Nineteen

Emma

* * *

I plant my hands, fingers spread, into Gavin’s hard chest. And God, what a chest. I mean, this man beneath me...

“What’s that, butterfly?” he growls in aggravation, and I can’t exactly blame him for that. I hadn’t meant to throw Sam into this. It just sort of happened. Sam’s words tonight, all of them, have unraveled me to my very core. I’m a lump of yarn on the goddamn floor, and I can’t make heads or tails of anything at this particular moment in time.

Except for Gavin. This man.

Because my mind is being dragged in a million different directions, but the only one that feels good is him. He’s the only one I think I can trust.

But…

“I’m scared.” It’s not something I’ve ever admitted before, but it’s real and it’s true and it hurts and it’s terrifying and it’s vulnerable, and I hate it. I hate being scared. Being scared feels weak. But all that, being placed in Gavin’s hands, well, somehow it feels just a little bit better.

This isn’t revenge; it’s need.

I need Gavin. I want Gavin. I crave him and think about him and fear him and lust after him. I’m all feeling in this moment. So many tormented, conflicted ones, but no less substantial or worthy of recognition.

And yet, I find myself trying to ruin everything that could potentially build between us. Defense mechanisms are funny that way.

“What are you scared of, baby?”

Baby. Not butterfly.

“Everything you said and so, so much more. I’m scared of wanting you the way I do, knowing there is nothing beyond this. I don’t know how to reconcile the things you do and the fact that I want you anyway. The fact that I don’t care that that’s what you do when I know I should. What Sam does makes me physically ill, and I know I should feel the same about you, but I don’t. Does that make sense?”

He nods, his hands caressing my thighs with a featherlight touch, up and down in a very distracting way. “You feel guilty for not feeling guilty when every moral code tells us we should.”

“Yes. Exactly. I realize how ridiculous it all sounds and seems. I know that I have been surrounded by your type all my life. I just never knew it or understood it until now. I had no idea what my father did for work until tonight. Jeff and Cora either. Obviously that’s pretty ignorant of me, and I’m sure on some level I questioned things. But they raised Sarah and me to be normal girls, despite the training they gave us. I just feel like I’m losing the last shreds of that girl. Of that life.”

I feel so out of control. Like nothing is up to me anymore when I was the only person I could rely on for the last five years. Maybe that’s why I’m pushing for him and against him so hard.

“Okay. Ask me then.”

The tips of my fingers trickle along a thin, white, jagged scar on his stomach, just to the left of his naval.

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